The Robbery

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Ok, I need to write this down as quickly as I can.  I just woke up from a dream where, Kris, me, and Lauren were all wandering around the strip in Vegas.  We're all having a good time, and as we're walking, we come across a crowded pawn shop that sells nothing but guns, ammo, and hummel figures.  Kris and Lauren both turn to me and convince me that we should go shooting at the range, and that we should pick up some guns and ammo from the pawn shop.  I agree, and the three of us walk into the store and find that it's shoulder-to-shoulder-packed with people. 

As we inch through the store, people are asking to look at guns at one counter, and asking for boxes of ammo at the next.  I can hear clerks telling customers what guns are just available for show, and which guns they have ready then and there.  Kris and Lauren finally get their turn to speak to the clerk who's in charge of the gun counter.  Kris picked out a 1911, Lauren picked out a .45 ACP revolver.  I opt not to pick up a gun, and instead decide to just get some ammo for my Sig, which is apparently back at the hotel room. 

We get up to the ammo counter, and ask for boxes of our various calibers of ammo.  As we're looking through the box, making sure it's the right kind of ammo, Kris turns to me and says, "Hey Chan, we're gonna rob this gun store, you in!?"  Stunned, I turn to Lauren, who's bright with excitement and nodding her head at me.  I of course, I decide you guys must be joking, and say, "Ha!  Yeah sure, right."  Suddenly Kris becomes very serious, and says, "No seriously, we're robbing this place with these guns... are you in or out?..."  Dumbfounded, I look at Lauren, and she's equally serious, and loading rounds into her revolver. 

"What?  Are you fucking crazy?!", I quizzically scream, "This is a goddamn gun shop, you'll be lucky if they don't just shoot you out-right! This is LITERALLY the worst idea you've ever had Kris, what the fuck are you guys thinking?"

Kris replied, "Alright then, just Lauren and me are going to spend the money from this robbery at Slots-o-fun!  Time for some nickel slots!"

Kris, firing rounds into the ceiling, "This is a ROBBERY!!!"

The whole store instantly clears out with the exception of the clerks working the counters.  Panicked, I run into the back room of the shop, where Dave, the clerk who sells the hummel figures, is standing.

"Oh I'll fuckin' shoot them, I'm just gonna shoot them through the window!"  Dave exclaimed as he loaded his pump-action shotgun.

I hastily react, "No!  Please don't!  Listen, I know what they're doing is the worst idea they've ever had, and I can't even begin to explain why the two of them would decide to rob a gun shop on the Vegas strip in the middle of the day, using guns they got at this store, so that they can spend the money ACROSS THE STREET AT SLOTS-O-FUN!  I know what they're doing is completely insane, and I really don't know why they're doing this, but trust me, they're good people, they're just retarded right now."

I turn from the clerk, and see that Kris is now holding a burlap sack with a dollar sign on it, as well as holding the door open for Lauren, with his back turned to the ammo-counter clerk, who is rapidly loading shells into a sawed-off shotgun.  I run to try and stop the ammo-clerk from shooting, but I'm too late.  A blast rings out as the clerk fires through his store-front at Kris, the shot barely nicks him the shoulder and thigh.  Kris keeps running with Lauren pulling him along.  After managing to get across the street, headed for the doors of Slots-o-fun, six police cars pull up.  A dozen police officers rush out of their cars and tackle Kris and Lauren, who struggle despite their horrendous odds of escape.  The police officers have Kris and Lauren handcuffed and shackled with at least three pairs of handcuffs and six pairs of leg irons each.  Despite these restraints, Kris and Lauren still resist arrest the way guests on Jerry Springer fight the body guards.  The two of them are literally completely lifted off the ground, the chains from their leg irons drag along the sidewalk and bang together noisily as they continue to struggle.  The SWAT team eventually shows up with a large metal restraint system that looks like a door frame with loops all around it.  The cops secure Kris and Lauren to the restraint, at which point Kris and Lauren calm down.

Kris manages to get one hand free, to pull out his cell phone and dials a number.

"Hi mom... yeah umm... I'm gonna be goin' away for a while....... yeah... yeah I went through with it... no, it didn't work."

Stricken with panic, knowing that my two best friends are about to go to prison for a very long time, I scream to myself that I must be dreaming.

I wake up.

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This page contains a single entry by Jimmy Chan published on January 18, 2009 9:24 AM.

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