I wrote the following late at night sometime last week in a notebook on my desk.
So I've come to realize something about the way my brain works. It seems that the best ideas I have come right before I go to bed. It's as if my brain decides it needs to meet my creative demands before it becomes a hostage to my subconscious, and it's forced to develop Stockholm syndrome for the sake of producing, writing, and directing yet another dream about me having to defeat my college landlord in another arm wrestling/go kart construction competition.
There are times where I worry that all these years of sleep deprivation took their toll and damaged my creative sense beyond repair. But, this depresses me, so I just choose to distract myself with thoughts of chimps fighting ducks in a kiddie pool, and images of Al Roker fighting Gary Coleman and the cast of Cats in a battle royale for control of a Japanese powdered-donut concern. And while this thought doesn't make sense, I accept its effectiveness as a mental flashbang.
Why am I so worried? Nothing seems out of the ordinary, but maybe that's the point! I spent so many years working to accept the fact that I don't qualify as "normal", that now that my life has gained a great deal of stability, I've become the proverbial caveman introduced into the modern world, adorned with warm pants but hesitant none-the-less.
I'm sure I could drive myself crazy thinking about this stuff, assuming that I haven't already. But how would I know? What constitutes a fair sanity litmus test? Three-thousand years ago a lot of people would have said that believing a dog-headed-being controls the world you live in after you die, and believing this is normal, and believing anything else makes you a cultish nut job. Nowadays they say that the son of a carpenter and a married virgin woman was born in a barn in Bethlehem in the year zero, and not only was he God, but he was also simultaneously the son of God, and that God has no beginning or end... believing this makes you normal...
Normal or sane, I can't be both!
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