Country First... Freedom Second

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No one seems to actually like the political season, but I love it!  I love watching political ads on TV that bend the truth to make even benign actions seem as malicious and despicable as a suicide bomber in a puppy hospital.  If I were put in charge of a political campaign, I don't think I could withstand the urge to have fun with it.  I'd ultimately go down in flames as having produced the single most slanderous campaign in all of history.  Here are some of my ideas, imagine each of them as a commercial that fades into a black-and-white photo of John McCain with text snippets from each of these fading in and out of the screen:

John McCain says he's pro-family, but did you know that in 2004 he used money he obtained from earmarks to bribe Hostess snack cakes for two hours of "anything goes time" with a vat full of Twinkie filling?
John McCain - He had sex with your Twinkie.
I'm Jimmy Chan and I approve this message.

John McCain says he's against abortion, but did you know that his vampire physiology demands nutrients he can only acquire from sucking the bone marrow out of fresh live infants?
John McCain - Eats babies.
I'm Jimmy Chan and I approve this message.

John McCain says he's tough on oil companies, but did you know that he once blew a white-supremacist chimp named Coco for two tickets to a Hall and Oats concert?
John McCain - He's really working that chimp.
I'm Jimmy Chan and I approve this message.

John McCain says he'll fight to fix the health care system, but did you know he once shot Abraham Lincoln to win a bet with Hitler that he could travel back in time and frame John Wilkes Booth?
John McCain - He uses his time machine for EVIL.
I'm Jimmy Chan and I approve this message.

John McCain says he wants to solve the housing crisis, but did you know he's going to hire roving bands of cats and hobos to defecate on your bed, urinate in your toaster, and spit in your mouth while you're asleep?
John McCain - He shit on your bed during this commercial.
I'm Jimmy Chan and I approve this message.

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This page contains a single entry by Jimmy Chan published on October 2, 2008 5:14 PM.

Yay Internet! was the previous entry in this blog.

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